Sarcastic Facebook Statuses That Will Get Likes
In case you’re a social media addict who loves to update about trends in social media and about family, friends. Sarcastic facebook statuses that will get likes and can make your life easy. You’re very familiar with loved ones posting strange announcements every once in a while. Ones that make you shake your head with uneasiness, roar with laughter, chuckle naughtily, or gaze at with ungainly venerate. Whatever the case may every so often be, they all make us snicker everything considered and are awesome friendly exchanges.
As a matter of fact, discover sarcastic facebook statuses that will get likes.
- Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
- That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
- My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat “less pizza”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.
- The best feature of the iPhone is the feature that keeps you from getting pushed in the pool.
- I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong
- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
- You know you’re getting old when the guys from the “cialis” commercials are starting to look hot.
- Women love the winter because they don’t have to shave their legs. I think it’s time for me to shave though…my giraffe tattoo has a mustache!
- Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently, they call THAT stalking.
- Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
- status: I can’t log into Facebook
- Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
- Warning!!! Aliens are coming to abduct all the sexy, beautiful people!! Don’t worry…you are OK. I just wanted to say “good-bye!”
- Our phone calls, we panic… our friends fall, we laugh.
- Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry
- I don’t care if my fingers break off, I will NOT make two trips to carry in 70 bags of groceries!!!
- I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life’s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
- Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
- I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.
- I love my life, but it just wants to be friends.
- Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
- A conclusion is a part where you got tired of thinking.
- I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
- If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?
- People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!
- Think I’m Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!
- Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-2.
- It takes patience to listen. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
- I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold and eaten.
- Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile on your face when pushed down the stairs.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink.
- I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
- If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…
- My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them to shit in person.
- My IQ came back negative.
- The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*.
- Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
- For More Fun: Double Meaning Status
- Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. – Chapman Cohen
- Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
- I’m Only Here For The Free Food.
- Suicide: Mans way of telling God – You can’t fire me, I quit.
- Me: What kind of font is this?
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- No Déjà vu, please… I Don’t want to go through that again.
- Waitress: Do u have any questions about the menu?
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
You can find more Funny One Word Status For Whatsapp
- I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.
- There is no “me” in the team. No, wait, yes there is!
- Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught.
- When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
- I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
- I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Facebook is telling me to “reconnect” with my brother…hmmm, I see him every day.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert
- As the joker said if you are good at something why do it for free.
- Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.
- Going to the temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff and I want it.
- I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth.
- Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off.
- I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
- If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
- I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
- I’m smiling. This should scare you.
- It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen.
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
- Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
- Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.
- Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids… Eat them!
- Shut up, will you? Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?
- The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
- Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
- WHY GOD? WHY ONLY ME? WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME… Didn’t we had a deal that I never get old.
- THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
- You can’t be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
- HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPS LOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MAD BECAUSE THEY THINK I AM SHOUTING AT THEM OVER the INTERNET. PLEASE HELP!!!
- The nice thing about waiting a week to listen to your voicemail is that those people usually don’t need you for that thing anymore.
- The grass may be greener on the other side, but at least you don’t have to mow it.
- I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
- ___ thinks that if you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but poverty can’t buy ANYTHING.
- ____ is out making some changes in his/her life…leave a message and I’ll get back to you. if I don’t return your message you’re one of the changes.
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
- There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
- Not all of us have the time to fulfill our life’s ambition of being completely ridiculous.
- ____ hopes that my passive-aggressive silence has been noted.
- Hello, this is the computer. Here I am … brain the size of a planet, and what does my owner have me doing? … taking messages on AIM.
- ____ is sure that everyone has a right to their own opinion, but I think you’ll find that mine is the only one that counts.
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
- The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
- 36 years old is significant because at 36 you can sleep with someone half your age and not go to jail.
- It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
- I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?
- All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
- Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
- Depression n. – Anger without enthusiasm.
- Programmer n. – An ingenious device that turns caffeine into code.
- Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive anyway.
- I’ve given up the search for reality; now I’m just looking for a good fantasy.
- Get your mind out of the gutter – it’s blocking my view.
- Everyone Has The Right To Be Stupid But You’re Abusing the Privilege
- In man’s struggle against the world, bet on the world.
- If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
- Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
- Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
- Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee.
- I can’t be fired, slaves are sold.
- The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.
- People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list!